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You Can Be the Next Miracle

It seems like a lifetime ago and it was a lifetime of hell.  I started using drugs, drinking, and smoking cigarettes during the summer of my 13th birthday.  Back then, I just wanted to be accepted and hang out with the "cool" kids.  I had a very rebellious nature that lasted for many years.  School became a nuisance and I didn't want to go, so I would skip school and get high and drink all day.  With this kind of lifestyle, a lot of sex was involved and when I look back now, I have no doubts that I am a miracle. 

I made it through 30 years of drug and alcohol abuse without major external things happening to me.  What I suffered was internal things.  I almost lost my sanity.  My spirit was dead.  I have been married and divorced 5 times and lost my only child to a miscarriage.  My family relationships were non-existant or distanced, at best.  I forgot 2 years of my life, due to the massive amount of drugs I was doing at the time.  I've ended up living in motels and sleeping with strangers. 

I ended up a rage-aholic, too.  This rage got me into recovery for the first time when I was 38, because I was planning on killing my husband at the time.  I embraced recovery, started working the 12 steps of AA, and mended my relationships. Then, 3 1/2 years later, I had a relapse.  This was to be followed by 2 more relapses, but now I have been clean and sober for 9 years!  I surrendered my life and will to God and I am no longer running the show. 

Of course, with a 30 year time frame of using and drinking, there are many horror stories to tell, but we all know what they are.  I love a solution, and recovery brought me this solution.  People cannot believe that was me when I share my story with them, and sometimes, it honestly seems like I am talking about someone else.  But, I know I'm not, and I have to remember that.  I heard someone say once:  imagine you're at the beginning of a road and there is a ditch on both sides of the road....then you get way down the road.....but, remember the ditch is still as close to the road down there as it is in the beginning.  I have to stay focused and the way I do that is to stay on this journey and leaning on God. 

I am getting ready to graduate from college in May, and check this out....I'm graduating with honors!  I am so blessed and so happy that my Dad gets to be around to see it.  Life is bittersweet....the good with the bad.  Three months ago, my family was given something bad to deal with and that was the suicide of my baby brother.  He was only 49 and addicted to prescription drugs.  His emotional pain was more than he could bear and he overdosed.  If I could say anything, it would be....please don't give up....never lose your to accountable to help....go to a 12 step program....surrender your life to a power greater than yourself and begin the journey of healing.  God is still in the miracle business.

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Categories: Alcohol, Family, Brother, Loss, Homeless, Suicide, Prescription Drugs, Recovery, 12 Steps, AA


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