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You aren’t the exception.

I wasn't a drug addict like the rest of you, no, not at all. I was much more intelligent, too well-dressed and pretty, educated, a handsome successful man by my side, good respectable family. I just didn't fit the profile. I was so much better than all you nasty, stupid, real drug addicts that had no future. Now, would you believe the police didn't care how I looked and presented myself? When they found those spoons and syringes they handcuffed me like some kind of criminal and put me in the same backseat as that toothless, never-made-it-past-9th-grade meth head that would do anything you wanted for 10 bucks. Ew, they probably didn't even clean these seats. He was just scaring me though, they do that kind of thing, people like me don't go to jail. There was no way he was really going to arrest me, fuck, I was giving him a pitiful expression and crying my eyes out. Obviously my lesson was learned. He told me my rights and slammed the door.

An addict is an addict, just like any other addict. You aren't the exception.

Now, what I had yet to mention was that my boyfriend of 2 and a half years by chance noticed my car at the gas station I parked at to shoot up. I was pretty well out of the way from view of customers so I wasn't surveying around me. As I injected that oxycodone pill into my vein, he had snuck up to my car, and watched me do it. The night before we had a long, deep talk about my opiate addiction. I promised him I wasn't using. We'd been battling my pill habit for 2 long years. I'd lied, manipulated, and been unfaithful and a horrible woman to him. How he stood by my side for so long, we don't know. He was the one who called the cops on me and had my car searched. He also called my grandma, mom, and stepdad. They all watched me get arrested. They now knew I was a dope shooting needle junkie, and that backseat was where I belonged.

Hiding my addiction still hurt the people I love. I didn't save them any grief not getting help, or myself.

All this time, I knew I was addicted to oxycodone, that I couldn't stop, that if I didn't use it every single day I would be in unbearable pain. Not to mention, I had progressed to using a needle. I had used it for so long and no one that mattered (aside from the bf) knew, so it wasn't a big deal. If no one could tell, then it isn't that big of a problem. I'll quit eventually. My life isn't falling apart like most of my drug associate's were.

I had just been lying to myself, for a very long time.

Once realizing I was actually being arrested and taken to jail, I had a severe panic attack. They were forced to take me to the hospital before they could take me to jail. I was humiliated, because all the staff knew why I was there and I was being guarded by a cop. I was given some sort of sedative shot in my ass, which calmed me down and put me to sleep for some hours. The cop actually told me he had to leave before I was knocked out, but not to go anywhere because he would be back to take me to jail. Impending doom. He came back to get me some 6 hours after I was admitted, thankfully I was still in tranquilizer world and willingly let him cuff me and don't even remember the ride to jail. But I damn sure remember jail.

I stumbled in, repeatedly falling over into my cop escort, repeatedly telling him I was sorry, I was sedated. He said he knew, and it was cool. He was very pleasant versus that morning when he and the other 6 cops at the store were being total assholes. I then knew why when a 70 year old lady took me to the bathroom, made me strip naked and bend over and cough. Again, humiliated. I asked for a blanket and something to drink, as I had been in police custody from 9AM and it was about 6PM they had yet to give me any food or water. She said no. So I started crying silently to myself until I fell asleep. I woke up to a shift change, who else worked intake at the jail than an ex boyfriend of mine? Humiliated. I got my blanket and a coke though. I slept through the 8 hours I was there. Somehow. My friend bonded me out.

Jail is humiliating, and sucks. A lot.

The next day my family was pissed that I was bonded out. I guess they were planning on me sitting in there a little while. My arrest was in the newspaper, detailed. Also on the radio. And in a paper called the 'Arrest Book'. Everyone knew. Everyone. I got fired from my job. I now had a misdemeanor and a pending felony charge. I lost everyone's trust. People alienated away from me, no one wants to be friends with the needle junkie. Mom was considering kicking me out. I couldn't finish college if I get a felony, nor find another job... anywhere. Not to mention I was in a shitload of pain because I hadn't had a pill since 9AM yesterday morning. So I found a clean rig and a pill. And shot up, after all I had just been through. 

I realized pills were number 1 in my life, and I had just hit my all time low, because of my opiate addiction. I wanted help.

I went to a rehab, got clean.
I still haven't gone to court about my charges.
I'm 3 months clean right now, and no longer feel any cravings.
My life is still a mess, but it gets better every single day.

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Categories: Loss, Jail, Methamphetamine, Other Drugs, Opiates, Oxy, Recovery, Rehab


January 05, 2014 | amanda

Thank u for your story and good luck in your recovery I am a herion addict with almost 3 years sober now and let me tell u hang in there no matter what if I can do it anyone can!!! It’s hard at first even after you finally get clean I’m here to tell you that it took a while but I have such a great life I could have never imagined when I was using and my life still gets better everyday! Don’t get me wrong it still has its ups and downs of course its just what you learn to do about it! Good luck god bless you hang in there no matter what and you’ll make it far in your journey and your recovery

December 18, 2013 | john

A close relative finally has the opportunity to remain sober for many years this past week, no longer addicted to pain medication with serious alcohol abuse.   The family has paid for detox and tried every way possible to help our loved one gain sobriety over the years.  Recently out of jail for a a prior alcohol related incident, our family member became depressed and suicidal.  The authorities were called several times to perform a welfare check.  Last week during a routine welfare check our loved one decided to use a firearm in a confrontational situation where an officer and our loved one were shot.  Fortunately, our loved one was only slightly injured during the barrage of bullets.  Our attempts to remove firearms from the residence were always an effort in frustration because of the 2nd Amendment rights to own firearms. Our loved one was subsequently charged with aggravated attempted murder and using a firearm under the influence of drugs or alcohol.  At least now, our loved one will be sober and clean for the rest of our loved ones life on this earth in an institutionalized setting.   No longer will face the late night suicidal calls and eventual fear of the inevitable.  

November 27, 2013 | John R.

Yes, it is kind of embarrassing to see one’s name in the paper, especially when I thought nobody knew of my booze problem. You are a great lady….... and an HONEST one.  Thank you for writing this, God loves you and so do I.

November 27, 2013 | Victoria

You are a great writer and grabbed my attention.  I would love to hear more about your recovery.  I will share my son,handsome, ran familiy biz, most popular in town and had heart of gold…he died from Oxy.  I never got time to mourn for now my other son who was on your tv, my tv, big screen, girls asking for autographs, was also now addicted (spiraled after bro’s death) so now I hope he can, like you, just decide he’s done!  thank you for your message of hope

November 01, 2013 | Jane

lots of luck and ease with your recovery!

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