You are better clean and sober, please believe me.
I know so many people believe they're better with drugs or alcohol but honey it's not true. You give up your personality for a veil of substances, and you can only have happiness when you are being YOURSELF 100% clean and sober. Attention, positive or negative, is not love. Find people who love you and let them take care of you until your body is free. Get yourself back. I bet a lot of people miss you. I started drinking when I was 12 and it took me until I was 18 to realize I was a fake and really truly losing myself. It hurts and it's hard but it's so worth it in the end.