Waiting For A Miracle…
My name is Brian. I'm 36 years old. Drugs destroyed me for over 20 years. It's been exactly one year to the day that I last put a needle in my arm. I haven't used any other mind or mood altering substance in the preceding days either. And that's a miracle.
Ya know, drugs weren't always trying to kill me. There was a time when things were manageable. I could use successfully and my life didn't suffer much from my actions. But at some point I crossed that invisible line where I would never be the same. At the end of my road, my home was in foreclosure, the cars were repossesed, I was unemployable, I was physically, mentally and spirtually fractured, and the state I live in considered me an unfit parent. My daughter was removed from my home by two social workers from the state and I was busy in the bathroom getting one more. When I looked at myself in the mirror that day I had no idea who was looking back at me. I couldn't go on living another day with or without drugs. A few days later I found myself in a detox for the first time in my life and I was not sure if I could ever recover.
Contrary to what many "normal" think, drugs are not my problem. In fact drugs are the solution to my problem. My disease doesn't come sold in a bag and adminstered through a needle. My disease lives between my ears. It's true that I need to be free from chemicals to recover, but that's where the real work begins. I live with addiction today, and that's a whole lot better than suffering with it. Pain is mandatory but misery is optional. And with the help and support of people just like me I've learned that it's possible for me to live a life beyond my wildest dreams.
Life is never gonna be perfect and I have no expectations that it should be. I have freedom from active addiction today. I have a job. I have a car that's registered, insured, and that I drive with a valid liscence. For an addict like me, that's amazing. My daughter lives with me today. She's turning 4 in March, and if I stay strong in recovery, she'll never have to know me the way I was. I keep things real simple and I do something everyday for my recovery. I help other sick and suffering addicts today and I try to let them know that there's a better life to live. I don't do this alone. A year ago if you told me I would be relating this story to you, I'd have said "no way, not me". Stories of recovery are the evidence that I need to see so that I can continue this journey.
If you heard anything in this story that you can identify with, run with it. Let me be proof that we can recover from this disease. Thanks for letting me participate in my recovery today, and hang in there.