Today is my day
Today I’m hoping is going to be a new day for me. I grew up without my biological parents in fact my mother gave all of her daughters to family members because she and my father were both on drugs. My mother died when I was 8 unsure I believe from an OD but unsure, my father died when I was 23- from a lifelong of using he developed lung cancer. I don’t really know my sisters because we all grew up in different homes. My sisters are close but I’m the outsider. I lived a very good life as a child had everything etc but when I turned 15 I met a guy and that is when I had weed for the first time. The feeling was great but I wasn’t addicted. I didn’t get addicted until I was 18 when I had met a new guy how did the same stuff. At first it was fun I was never ashamed to tell anyone what I did as far as smoking because it made me feel like I was a down person. After graduating from high school my 1st semester of college I met a new guy and he did the same. I used to think that weed was my ultimate high. I was never a big drinker because I didn’t like the hangover feeling. I got pregnant right after college by a man that I am so happy God sent to me. I smoked weed the whole time, I couldn’t stop not even for my son. After that came the pills I don’t know how the hell they came about but they did and for the last 2y rs they have been a part of my life. Because I have been on drugs so long I feel alone and ashamed I want to stop so bad every night I pray to god and ask f he can help me.
Well one day I finally got the heart to go get clean it was my first rehab experience. I wanted to get clean just to see if I could do it not because I really wanted to. I was clean for about 30 days but the whole time in rehab all I could do was think about getting high, which is why I know I wasn’t there for the right reason so I let the high win. I would always hear in group that when u relapse u go harder than before but I didn’t believe it until it happened to me. Before the rehab I could go days without pills but after I can’t even go a day that’s why I'm hoping today is my day again. I’m so unhappy with life right now that I know the only way to be happy is to get clean. I want to see my little man get older I don’t want to OD. My life has been filed with so many lies I don’t even know who I am. Everything is a lie and I’m tired of living it. I found a new free program to attend tonight after work and I pray I stay clean to attend. I have no money I have started stealing from my mom and anyone else I can my life is going down. I have not lost my family, well my sisters, but I really don’t care because they are like strangers to me. I still have a job and my own place but if I don’t get help I see myself losing everything.