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Time runs out

Time runs out

My Story is Complex but simple, Long But short i am like most people nowadays a product of divorce, after my dad left i never seen him again. I didnt grow up with a lot of money and don't know if i was ever truly happy. But one thing i know is that Life is in your hands you cant play the blame game or give in too soon because time runs out ... i was 13 when i began my "rebelious" phase, smoking, drinking, taking pills, problem is school  didnt really fit into my schedule, when you're 13 that should be # 1, 2 and 3, i was already working full time trying to make a living playing the devil's fiddle with my addiction. See i know now that high school is like an audition for your future and most likely how you succeed there can effect the rest of your life, if i only knew then what i know now .. i am now 25 i finally seen the light and changed my whole life. I live my life in a whole new view but somtimes it takes somthing bad to make something good. March 2009 my life changed forever, i went from having a brother to had one. My brother was the best, he was the funniest person i ever met he had this way of making a whole room laugh in an instant it was like magic, he was my superman, problem is he had a dark side. He didnt have the best life, he had drug additction and spent time in jail and wasn't the luckiest guy when it came to the law, but i seen the good in him even when he didnt. He was taken from us in march 2009 of "Cardiac arrest" caused by a bad reaction to something. There is nothing worse than what the people who love are left with. I can sit here and wonder what if i woulda called him that day, what if i just went to his apartment, WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF, fills our lives forever .... I will never be the same, nor would i wanna be. I was blessed to have had him for as long as i did and i know that if he knew that his story even helped one person keep a brother, son or a friend he would be proud. I love him very much and it's thanks to him that i hit my bottom, fell 50 feet and got back up in his honor. I live his life through me now and want anyone who is reading this to really think of how they want to be remebered. To quote one of my brother's favorite movies " The saddest thing in life is wasted Talent" i really believe this and hope that my story will be your step to redemption. No it's not easy. It really sucks when you first start to feel again, when the waves of regrets and bad things you have done or bad things that have happened to you fill you emotional cavities and produce tears and saddness and you think -how can i make them go away! But it is better to feel too much than nothing at all. i have learned that in my 25 years, nobody said life was easy, right? Think about it.

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Categories: Alcohol, Family, Brother, Loss, Overdose, Marijuana, Prescription Drugs, Recovery

Comments2

December 05, 2012 | Deatra M Bingham

I am glad that you are honoring your brother after his passing. Just remember that you are not dishonoring him if you slip. You will only dishonor him if you slip and don’t just get right back up and start again. Bless you friend.

December 04, 2012 | Jane

thank you for sharing, and so sorry about your loss!

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