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The sober drug

My name is Anthony and I'm from Ohio. I've only told the whole story a few times to close friends and I can't believe now it will be the whole world.  My 13th year alive  I found out about drugs. It was my father's neighbors' labor day party where the first time drugs where put into my life. My Father told me I could drink as much as I could. But then by the end of the night when the party died was when I first smoked pot. Playing a game of poker someone rolled a blunt and passed it towards me. And of course I was off like wild fire. After that night my father told me if I ever needed pot to call him so he could get it. And I did. Almost every weekened I saw my father after that. When I was 14 in Middle School I met a kid who just moved in our small town. His name was Jimmy. And he knew about drugs. We were best friends. I would come over his apartment after school all the time. Being best friends with the biggest stoner in school came with perks. Going to popular parties just because they knew you had pot was awesome. I could hang out with the preps and be cool for once in my life. Being popular went on for another year. Being friends with the coolest kids in school meant getting them high or getting them good weed.

Being 16 was yet another new year for me. The year I tryed Shrooms with my best friend Jimmy, and a few of his other friends. We all threw down $20.00 and got a OZ. After a hour after eating an 1/8th I couldnt remember anything I did or said till the morning after that long night tripping off shrooms. I remember wanting it to stop.

That summer I stayed the whole time with my father. Who at the time was blowing pills (Oxys & Perks) and I didn't know. That summer there wasnt a day I wasn't high off weed. When school started back up I was in 10th grade, After being back in my home town from staying with my Dad made me cool again since no one knew where I was, My old Bestfriend Zach was now back in the picture and his new girlfriend Blayre. That's when triple C's came in and Mucinex DM a free and fast way to trip. I ended up stealing about 20 boxes (one at a time) from every store in my home town. Tripping before and after school. (Minor Trips) And huge trips on weekends over Blayre's house. Where we also smoked pot every time we were there. I ended up tripping everyday for about a month straight. Because I can't remember what I even did that month.

My 10th grade year was ending in school and my grades where still fair, Some A's, lots of B's and a C or D here and there, I was already planning my party summer at my Father's house. But this summer was different. This was around the time they stopped making real Oxys that you can blow and bang. Well, because of that my father went on to using Heroin. At frist I wanted to make him stop. Shit I didnt even know he was even on anything till I caught him one evening swearing in the bathroom and I opened up the door to see him with a tie around his arm and a glass full of H and a needle in his hand full of blood since he couldnt ever find a vein to hit. A week later he asked me if I wanted to snort a line and I did.... Ruining my life. I got addicted to it like everything else I've ever tried. Weed now was only smoked with my friends or once a week. I didnt want it anymore because we had Heroin. This was when I noticed that my father was selling his nice things. And towards the end of that summer I was too. A month into the summer this guy downstairs of my fathers double moves in. He drank a few beers with me and pulled out a clear white corner from a bag, with coke. My father and I did coke for our first time. And then we started to smoke crack, with doing our heroin. (Him banging the crack and heroin and me just snorting the H and us smoking crack.) When school started I didn't want to go anymore. I lost interest in school. In friends who I lost because my father took money from. And ontop of it my friend Zach told the whole school I was on H and smoking crack. My junior year was the last. I turned 18 that November and I dropped out that December.

I was living with my father still never leaving from that summer I started doing hard drugs. I went on drug runs twice maybe three times aday, Most the time by myself. He held onto the drugs no matter what it was or who paid for it, even me. And I was limited to how much I could use. We got a gram of H a day sometimes two. And we sat in his now friend's house doing drugs everyday. From the time he woke to whenever the heck I went to bed. Sometimes not for two days. Till one cold morning when he wanted me to go out and get him H and I told him "No" and he hit me acrossed the face and took my keys for my car and left. That morning I packed up my things and moved to my Mother's near PA. Strung out on dope I was dope sick for a week two hours away from my father and I had no car. My grandmother had it.

This was the first time I was sober since I was 13 and it only lasted a month. Till I met Hosea, This 20 year old knew everyone. It's now Feb of 2012. I was kicked out my mother's house. I now lived with my drug crew with Hosea. Since the day I met him I was high everyday for 2 months. Moved again to a bigger town I lived with my friend Kyle where we had cockroaches everywhere. I ended up meeting a girl and changing my life for the second time. Her name was Kahri and she made me sober for the longest time of my life. From a little bit before May started to June.

Things went south when I started hanging with my old crew again drinking four lokos almost everynite because I couldnt smoke pot, Her family found out and I couldn't see their daughter again. That's when I didn't care anymore. I went back home to my Grandmother and joined a traveling Carnival. Where I drank and smoked weed after everyday operating a ride. Then in July when I came back home I worked at Chipotle where I started being friends with Zach again. We smoked everyday before and after work. To the point where I was forced to go back with my father, who told me he was sober but really wasn't. I just recently left him again because he loves drugs more then his own son. I moved back to the town my mom lived in and moved into a house of all drugs and all kids. I tried to help this older lady out who lived there with a bunch of homeless kids but she was so stressed she'd yell at me for simply moving something. Specially when she was sober. I was kicked out there shorty. And since then I've been living either out of my car that's behind on payments and they're looking to repo, or on the floor of my friend's house. I do just about any drug I can find to ease the pain of where my life is now. My family no longer talks to me because I loved my father so much I wanted to get him help. I can't get ahold of anyone but my friends.

Any day that I'm sober I hate life and myself. I've tried killing myself and over dosing. Smoking either pot,  drinking or tripping off tripple Cs has been my escape. Everyday I'm on something. I really want help and someone to talk to but I believe if I told anyone this story they wouldn't talk to me. I'm all alone for Christmas and I just want it all to end. I'm 19 Years old and sleeping in my car.

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Categories: Alcohol, Cocaine, Family, Father, Son, Heroin, Marijuana, Other Drugs, Mushrooms, Opiates, Prescription Drugs


January 03, 2013 | Teri

My heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. It’s so hard to clean up your act when you don’t have support. One thing you have to do is change who you hang with. There can be no one using around you if you really want to get clean. NA meetings are a great place to start. There is always someone there that’s willing to help. I wish you the best of luck and please do not give up hope. It’s hard but worth it.

January 03, 2013 | Jane

Anthony, thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. Please call the Helpline number- 1-855-378-4373. Don’t lose hope!

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