The Roads to Recovery are Many
Although my alcoholism had its onset at the age of 40, I believe I was carrying the "disease" since early childhood. As I lay on the bed, head spinning from my first drunk, I felt I had found the nectar of hte gods, and knew I would re-visit this experience again; in fact, every day for the next 14 years.
Although I was a closet drinker, embarrassing things were "happening" and it wouldn't be long before the consequences of my drinking would come out of that closet. I was obsessed with worry over my addiction; worry over health concerns, fear of discovery, fear of legal conseuences, and on and on.
In the aftermath of another blackout, the evidence was stacked against me, and I reached the blessed point of becoming "sufficiently horrified". I found the courage to pick up the phone to ask for help.
The guy who took my call at AA had heard one too many sob stories like mine, and bellowed instructions to let the rest of the world be, and to take care of myself first. It could be said that his words were delivered like scattered bread crumbs, but I knew they rang of truth. In a matter of speaking, I gathered those bread crumbs, and feasted on them. On each sober anniversary, I send a card in gratitude to him.
As if matters weren't complex enough, I discovered that for me, AA would be more harmful than helpful. I realize that countless people have found lifelong recovery in that Program, and I rejoice for them. However, just as there are different religious paths, I needed a different recovery path. Sheer terror kept me abstinent for 90 days, when in a desperate on-line search, I found LIfeRing Recovaery. With its logical, no-nonsense approach, I immediately felt at home, and the process of my recovery began. I ate up every work LifeRingers shared on the on-line forum, and eventually started face-to-face meetings in my community.
I started this journey, wailing that "I want a drink"; then progressed to "I can't drink"; to "No thanks, I don't drink"; to "Thank gawd I no longer have to drink".
I remain sober each day by reminding myself that drinking is simply not an option, and by sharing what I have found with others. I'm an example of the fact that recovery IS possible in later life, and that it really CAN be done.