The good, bad, and ugly
Like a lot of people I have met in recovery, I felt like a misfit, or fraud. I started drinking in college to fit in and be comfortable in my own skin. I thought I needed alcohol to take the edge off, to make it easier to talk to other people. I put myself in some pretty hairy situations because of drinking, like a car accident, and a date rape. Somehow I managed to graduate and become a licensed pharmacist. I stopped drinking when I moved off campus and away from the party crowd I had been hanging around.
My first couple of jobs out of college were not very good ones, with long hours, low pay and little respect I felt was owed a pharmacist. (Ego out of control again!) I had a few migraine headaches along the way, and my doctor prescribed [a pain killer]. I thought I found heaven in a pill. That should have been a big red flag! I discovered I could get the same effect as alcohol from a pill without the hangover effect. So since I had access to it on the job, I started helping myself. It didn't take long to be busted. I was arrested on the spot and escorted out the door. Then I had to deal with the courts.
You would think that experience would have been enough, but no. After a course of treatment (where I was the only woman in a group of about 15 men) I relapsed. This time I found a Christian-based treatment with a woman's group. I was able to stay clean for 11 years after that. I relapsed 7 years ago on [prescription medicine]. After dealing with professional and legal consequences I have decided to go back to school to become an LADC.
I just completed my Associate degree in Drug and Alcohol Counseling and am currently looking for work.