The good, bad, and ugly

Like a lot of people I have met in recovery, I felt like a misfit, or fraud.  I started drinking in college to fit in and be comfortable in my own skin.  I thought I needed alcohol to take the edge off, to make it easier to talk to other people. I put myself in some pretty hairy situations because of drinking, like a car accident, and a date rape.  Somehow I managed to graduate and become a licensed pharmacist.  I stopped drinking when I moved off campus and away from the party crowd I had been hanging around.

My first couple of jobs out of college were not very good ones, with long hours, low pay and little respect I felt was owed a pharmacist. (Ego out of control again!)  I had a few migraine headaches along the way, and my doctor prescribed [a pain killer].  I thought I found heaven in a pill.  That should have been a big red flag!  I discovered I could get the same effect as alcohol from a pill without the hangover effect.  So since I had access to it on the job, I started helping myself.  It didn't take long to be busted. I was arrested on the spot and escorted out the door.  Then I had to deal with the courts.

You would think that experience would have been enough, but no.  After a course of treatment (where I was the only woman in a group of about 15 men) I relapsed.  This time I found a Christian-based treatment with a woman's group.  I was able to stay clean for 11 years after that.  I relapsed 7 years ago on [prescription medicine].  After dealing with professional and legal consequences I have decided to go back to school to become an LADC.

I just completed my Associate degree in Drug and Alcohol Counseling and am currently looking for work.