lost and found
I was born and raised in detroit michigan. i grew up in a good lutheran family. then my brother was diagnosed with cancer. he was my hero. a year later my mother died, i was 13. 2 years later my brother died. 2 years after that my dad died. i lost my mind. i turned to drugs to deal with the pain. pain pills, pot, cocaine, meth. i was once described as a garbage can because i'd take any drug, didnt matter what. eventually i went to prison in utah half way across the country. i left a trail of tragedy behind me i thought. then while in prison my little brother shot himself 2 months before my release. i wanted to die. then i met someone that had it worse than me. she had been set on fire and left for dead. i was in solitary confinement talking to her throught the walls of our prison and all she had to say was how much she loved jesus and how she has forgiven her father for what he did and most important she had forgiven herself for what put her in prison. i started to read the bible with new adult eyes. forced into sobriety i began to change. i realized that just because my family is gone did not give me an excuse to throw my life away. i dont have the right to block all my memories because i finally realized i was blocking the good along with the bad. my family needs to be remembered for all the good they did all the positive they brought to this world. ive been out of prison 2 years now im married i have 5 beautiful step children and a grand daughter. i stuggle everyday with the loss of my blood family but i do it sober now. each time the pain gets less and less. using to dull the pain just made it worse. at some point you have to say to yourself, how long will i let the fog last? how long will i rob myself some the only life i get?? surround yourself with positive people and it will make the hardest thing you ever did well still hard but your not alone. being sober now is my everything.