Life after Darkness

My name is Debbie and I am now 42 years old.  I am surprised I have made it this long.  All my life I was in some way or other sexually violated starting at age 5. I was so twisted in my thoughts that I was only good for sex and what a man would want.  I started self-medicating with xanax just to stop the feeling of worthlessness.  Through all this, I was very successful in my public life....had good jobs, raised a child alone, and was fooling everyone.  For whatever reason, I went from drinking, a little cocaine every now and then, to the xanax and then to opiates.  I went through a violent rape and at that point thereafter I was doing huge quantities of morphine to again stop my thoughts and memories.  It came to the day I was arrested with felonious amounts of morphine and needles and I was carted off to jail. 

I served two years in prison and I am grateful for that; it saved my life because I was clean and thinking clearly for the first time in ten years.  I have come to realize and embrace the idea of accepting life as it comes, to just push through.  I have been enpowered in my own strength which has given me the confidence to stand up for myself, be honest in how I am feeling and to openly share my thoughts rather than hiding behind what I thought I was supposed to be.   I figured out that all I HAVE to be is me, and that is a pretty good person.