If I Can Do It-You Can Too.
I started using drugs at age 19. Throughout high school I sometimes drank alcohol, but never drugs. I played sports, graduated with honors, and was in several clubs throughout high school. Immediately after high school I went to college and moved to a new city. Unfortunately, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I began smoking weed, doing ecstacy, using special K, and really anything else that I could. I dropped out of school shortly there after. I slowed my drug use for a few years and was able to obtain a very good job, but after a while I started using cocaine, and pills, and ended up quitting my job. I then moved to my hometown, which would turn out to be the beginning of the end. It is hard to relive this time, even to just write about it. I got a restaurant job in my homewtown and that is where I began to take vicodin pretty regularly. I just liked the feeling, it made me feel good and I felt like I did a better job when I was on it. (NOT THE CASE!!!). I then began using oxy's and roxi's 30 mg, 40 mg, or 80 mg via snorting. I loved it. I began dating a guy that was into the same thing. The next part of my story is the most disturbing, and the hardest to relive. It was May, and I was going to my best friends baby shower. I didn't feel good, at all. I was having horrible stomach pains. I ended up going to the hospital and finding out that I was 5 months pregnant. I cried because I had been using hardcore pills the entire time. By that time I was snorting about 5 oxy 80mg pills a day. I used all throughout my pregnancy and it just got worse. Sometimes I would snort 8 oxy 80 mg's a day. I had my son in October, and it was a miracle he was healthy. But that still did not stop me. I stole from my family, my work place, and strangers to support my habit. I remember the day in December when my son was 3 months old like it was yesterday. My boyfriend, and son's father, came home with a needle filled with heroin and said, "Try this, it's cheaper and its amazing" . That was the end. I used heroin IV for about a year and was up to 30 bags of heroin a day. I would shoot 5 bags at a time, 6 times a day. After about a year I got into a methadone clinic, and, I thought this was the answer. I was on 110 mg of methadone, I was 120 lbs. I was also abusing zanax and begain shooting cocaine intraveneously. This led to me getting arrested one morning because of a domestic dispute. I was so messed up I ended up resisting arrest and causing a big scene which landed a front page paper story. I went to jail for 3 weeks. I detoxed off of methadone in jail, it was the worst experience. I was released from jail and my family got me into an inpatient rehab facility. I completed the treatment successfully, but still relapsed the first 48 hours. I continued to relapse off and on for about a year until I started to take suboxone. I was on suboxone for 6 months and tapered off. That was three years ago. i just graduated college, work full time, and signed my child up for kidnergarden. It is amazing that when you are using you feel that nothing goes your way in life and that you can't catch a break, but you never attribute that to using drugs. Everyday since I have been clean has gotten easier and easier, and my life seems to be getting better and better. At the beginning, I felt like my 'drug friends' were my closest friends and that I could not be away from them. I have not talked to any of my old friends for at least three year, and really could care less. Everyday I am clean it gets easier and easier to not use. I NEVER thought I would get here, it seemed so impossible. I felt so bored without the lifestyle and the herion. I also felt an intense sense of guilt at the way I acted towards my family. I felt like less of a person because of my addiction and the stigma that goes with it. Now I fill my days with things I actually like to do. Drugs took away at least 8 years of my life, but I feel like I am stronger than normal people for overcoming this obstacle. That is how every addict should feel. Strong.You have to let the guilt go, it does you no good. If you can stay clean for one day, you can stay clean forever. Just keep your head up high and keep going. Do not let the guilt or shame get you down. Every one deserves a second chance.