The Hope Share The Partnership at Drugfree.org
The Hope Share

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I made it out alive.

Hi my name is Dre'y and I am 45 years old as of may 2013. I was addicted to Meth and Coke since I was about 8 years old.  Like so many I come from a split family and for me it was bad! My mother is full blood Native and my Father full blood Irish and oh yeah I was the white skinned one out of 12 children. I too was the black sheep and my mother had a fondness for getting my older sibling to beat my ass regularly. She destroyed any chance of any of us being close. Then she too bailed on us just like our father. We found ways to make money and pay bills and eat. For me life just hurt all the damn time. I was a smart kid and am lucky to still have a brain in my head. My mother took up with a trucker and of course they got their stay-awake dope from me.  My step mother finally took me into her and my father's home. Only for me to learn to sell meth on the streets of Las Vegas. Yeah then everyone gave up on me and at 13 I found myself in the foster system. Life was ok there as long as I provided my case worker with her dope. Yup every single one of them! School was no problem for me but the foster homes started getting impossible to bear. So like most throw kids in those days I ran. To New York city. There was not so bad but my foster sister I ran with got into hooking and about got us both killed so I turned us in. Back in the foster system in Vegas I ran again.

Back to Nebraska now. I got married at 16 had my first child at 17 and then got divorced. Had 2 more daughters and their father was horrible drunk and druggie and so abusive. I barely escaped with my life. I was smart enough to NOT use while I was pregnant but used again after the kids were born. My ex stole my kids and ran with them while I was at my baby brother's funeral. My own older brother and father helped him.  Then i was told by my father that they died in a car crash in Arizona. I got even deeper in and couldn't go more than maybe 4 hours without a load. People thought it was so cool that I was in the major dealing game. My family could care less as long as they could always get money from me. They did too and by the thousands. I had 3 more children and had to give them up because I could not get sober. Twins a boy and girl and a baby boy.  I was coming near the end here. I  ODed 5 times in one month and got popped for distribution no drug tax stamp as well as crossing state lines. Not with one but 2 types of dope in large quantity. I remember that day well. I almost died and then 3 days later shaking and scared out of my mind I stood in front of the judge in union county South Dakota. The Judge looked at me and said a lot of things about drugs and being someone else's drug slave. Then he told me something I had never heard before in my life. In my whole life. He said you are young and beautiful and you are somebody and YOU are worth saving. Then he sentanced me to 362 days in the county jail.

I got drug help and bible study . I found out I was still smart and that I had dreams. I learned that there was a huge black hurt inside me I tried to fill with dope. The more dope I did the bigger the hole would get and to this day I have no idea what put that hurt there. As long as I can remember I was always alone and always hated and put down and beaten. My family my parents everyone. Then there was a man in power saying I was good and worth it.  I been clean now amost 19 years and I look forward to my 20 year coin.  There are so many horrible things I have done in the midst of the years. The biggest: losing my kids. Now I have twin sons getting ready to turn 16 who absolutely love me and a wonderful Grandson who is 9 born on my birthday and my first grand child! Whatever causes your hurt there is one thing I know for sure: You're worth saving, YOU are somebody! Someone can love you for who you are! As for that hole we all try to fill with whatever our drug of choice is we have to come to terms with it and understand we have to deal with it now. The past is the past so let it be there. Your future starts now!!!!! None of us may ever understand what or why or how we have that hole of pain but we find ways to make it smaller. Living is the best way. Only 3 ways out folks ..... Covered up .... Locked up .... or sobered up..... You can choose. The world we live in is a world we can change by the choices we make in our lives! May the Great Creator guide your steps to happiness and the life he had planned for you!

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Categories: Cocaine, Family, Mother, Heroin, Loss, Homeless, Jail, Overdose, Methamphetamine, Recovery

Comments1

June 17, 2013 | steph r

you are a brave woman for *enduring the bad habits from others who were supposed to be role models, *surviving the dope game, especially being on the upper level, *coming to grips with losing your children, and *telling us your profound story. way to go for remaining clean almost 20 years! we have a lot in common, but ive only been clean 9 months this time. thanks for being an inspiration to continue my recovery!

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