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all the signs

HI, my name is Dan and I'm a alcoholic.I have come to accept that with all it's connotations and components..I think all the signs were there for me at a very young age. I was the class clown, the person who could not see or accept reality from my first memories.There is a vast amount of alcoholism in my family but not my immediate family. My parents were older when I was born they were 45,we lived next to a package store and a bar in a wild college town and i had 2 older sisters. MY dad loved sports so we had that bond it was the new york giants and yale football and things were ok for most of my pre teen years but my concentration level was very low. I played little league but i never would swing the bat and i had tremendous power but i could not manage a swing yet i would not quit instead i took the harrasment of teammates. I was not as shy in football and was a great tackler but when i went for my high school team it was determined i had a heart murmur and i could not get clearance to play and i was devastated as this was all i thought i could do well and it was something that I could not understand and of course kept to myself. I made friends with some older kids in my hood and the drinking began as did the escaping from reality. I was very sneaky and lies came easy and i hid most of the drinking for as long as i could, I was a black out drinker who drank mostly weekends, every time i drank there was some sort of incident and as i got older the incidents became more profound,to give examples of my alcoholic incidents i would offer things like waking up in stange places like bushes , cemeteries, losing my wallet or money, being beaten up and not remembering any fights, saying bad things to people and as i got older there were drunken arrests, i'd lose my car, accidents, somehow i graduated high school without ever giving anything a hard thought, my family tried to help and there were a few rehabs but i was lost id shake my head yes when i never listened, i was a liar, i could not hold a job because i could not think clearly like normal people and id always call sick with hangovers, i was lost , i considered suicide, i was now 19 and i joined the marine corp. which for me was both good and bad. In boot camp they forced me to think and i lost 50 pounds and was able to graduate parris island and go west california as a machine gunner.

I did ok there for a long time but eventually i got back to drinking and some drug use and after 3 years of working hard and being a suad leader i got sent to alcohol rehab because the incidents were starting again and then there was a arrest in town and next thing i got a less than honororable discharge and even to this day im very shamed by that, to sum it up i guess i was good when people took care of me but when i had to step up and be the leader i fell to the pressurre which says to me maybe i never should have been there but they gave me some survival skills which i know has helped my sobriety and im current sober since 2007. I have been in and out of AA and it has been a great help and i also feel god has intervened in my life. i SHOULD NOT BE ALIVE YET I AM, THIS IS AM THIS IS A MIRACLE,I  ONCE HIT A POLE DOING A 100 AND IM HERE AND IN OK SHAPE ,I WOULD SUM UP MY ALCOHOLISM AS A MENTAL, AND EMOTIONAL DISEASES WHICH PERHAPS SOME OF THE ENVIROMENTS I LIVED IN WERE A FACTOR. I AM VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THIS TOPIC AND ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO COUNSELING SCHOOL BUT NEVER COULD MAKE IT SO I TURN THIS WAY TO TRY AND HELP PEOPLE. BUT I DO LIKE TO STRESS THAT IN MY CASE THIS IS A MENTAL DISEASE AND WHEN YOURE ACTIVE YOU DONT SEE THAT AND YOU HIDE IT LIKE A ACADEMY AWARD WINNER, TO GET BETTER YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT YOURE NOT NORMAL.

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Categories: Alcohol, Recovery, AA

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