...Depression growing up and that led to my drinking
I had depression growing up and that led to my drinking which started when I was very young but took hold in my early twenties. It became a real problem then. I had no clue what alcoholism was in those years, but I tried to quit because I knew drinking so much wasn't right.
A lot of things happened over the years. I tried anti-depressants at a time before Prozac was invented and those old meds didn't work for me – at that point I they gave me some of the old anti-anxiety pills that are still used for that sort of problem today. They caused an incredible amount of problems for me (I couldn't even drink for a very long time because of what they did to me).
I did go back to drinking though, and that went on for another twenty years before I finally recovered. The last 10 years before I recovered I drank at my level of drinking – a fifth of whisky every day. That type of drinking resulted in a lot of damage when I quit. I was able to function normally as long as it was in my system – in a certain sense you might have called it normal – at least I could function up until the end when it was no longer possible to continue drinking. But recovery hasn’t been a rose garden. I have problems with insomnia and debilitating tiredness. I have liver problems that make me very sick. And I feel that I am not a part of recovery because these problems are not common so that I don’t fit in – also with my depression it’s difficult to be a part of that scene.
The worst problems occurred AFTER I quit drinking because of the amount of damage I had, plus the depression that hadn’t gone away. It took years before I was finally able to recover enough to try the newer anti-depressants that are out there today. I spent years trying them – none of them worked. Now a psychiatrist is giving me something that is basically a substitution for the anti-depressants which really isn’t a good solution for the problem (it’s almost like an addiction taking these things). I have no choice because I believe with the years that I drank very heavily on a daily basis my depression has actually become worse than when I was younger. The depression is far worse than the side effects from the pills, but it is still a dilemma to decide what to do and my condition is still difficult.
I had what alcohol researchers are finally identifying as a separate condition that isn’t the same as the old classification where all alcoholics were told “we’re all the same”. They now classify it as “chronic severe subtype” alcoholism. These problems are identical to what was described in another story that’s on drug free.org – “ALCOHOL PROGRAMS IN WY – LACK OF MEDICALLY-BASED SUBSTANCE ABUSE TREATMENT” – the story about an alcoholic who died from this type of alcoholism. Anyone interested in the problems facing the worst afflicted alcoholics should take the time to read that information – Clark Jones.